There is plenty of planning to do when loved ones get older; last wishes, financial organizing and wills. But what of the sentimental estate? The old pictures, heirlooms and memories?
There is a common frustration after loved ones die; unanswered questions which can no longer be asked. People go through their loved one’s old boxes of treasures only to find collections of photos with no names written on the back. They recognize one of their parents or grandparents in the photo. This makes them wonder about the rest of the people; are they great aunts and uncles, never known great grandparents? They lament the same thing, “Had I known about these pictures, I would have asked who these people were!”
My 90 year old grandfather argued with me about this once. He was tired. He didn’t want to keep identifying people in the photos he had at his house. “When you are gone,” I asked him, “who will be able to tell me who these people are?” The answer was no one. So, we continued writing down names. We were working on this photo and it is one of many that I have been able to share with their descendants thanks to my grandfather.
Harder still is looking at jewelry or other small items which are easily passed down and not knowing that it is an antique, nor who it belonged to or any history surrounding it. I inherited a small box. Yes, a box. It was unremarkable. I probably would have given it to someone. Yet, I also knew that my Aunt Edna was friends with a historical figure* who had quite the impact on deaf culture. So, I was looking through all her keepsakes extra carefully. In this case, I pulled the sliding lid all the way off this box and flipped it over, “Fred & Edwin Rolker,” it read, “from their friend G.W. Veditz Aug 15/99”. If I hadn’t known they were friends, I never would have caught that one and a piece of history would have slipped away.
Solution
Speak to your loved ones now! Ask them where some of their old photos and other goodies are. Start there. Chat with their siblings, children, in-laws and good buddies who may remember seeing an item from ‘great grandpa’ last time they were at the house. One conversation leads to another and, suddenly, your loved one remembers that they had a beautiful perfume bottle or an old watch tucked away in an odd place.
I like to rummage through an old drawer of letters and postcards with them. That may take a few sessions. Try leaving them with the ‘goods’ and coming back another day. You’ll find that it leads to new revelations because they read the old letters in the meantime. When you walk in, you’ll be greeted with, ‘I found this old letter from my first love!”
Go through workbenches and kitchen drawers. Start from the back where the old tools get stuffed. Oftentimes the question is WHAT is it rather than WHOSE is it! That will get them laughing. Enjoy this time! If you can’t process all this information right now, record the conversation and take pictures of the items and write it down later.
*Thanks to my sister-in-law who interviewed Aunt Edna
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